Abandoned

I can still recall the scene vividly in my mind.

All these years of effort.. Yes, they do make difference, but in an insignificant amount.

I keep trying to persuade myself, like I did that day, but I couldn't stop my tears from pouring down, just like that faithful day too.

I tried to comfort myself, that this couldn't be happening, that I made these all up.

Now, I can say that I have made every effort, to change the cruel reality, but today, it seems like all the effort vanished like bubble. Nothing.

They will never ever understand my feelings.
Nobody could. Well, I guess the truth is nobody cared.

I kept saying to myself, think positively, be optimistic. Maybe I think too much?

But do you really think that the responsibility lies solely on me?

Do you think that if they don't behave in such a way, I will feel offended?
I was a kid then, for goodness' sake. Words can't describe how huge the impact is.

Everyday, I am trying to outlive myself, get out from the shadow. But the effort is in vain.

I remain insignificant, small, abandoned in their eyes.

My heart will recover. But it will bear the scars forever.

I will continue to be positive, be strong and be happy. Regardless of anything.

I'm hurt inside, but nobody knows. 

I'm not saying this like other emo kids.
I really mean it, and trust me, what im saying is the truth.

Sigh.

Blabs

Ah, its holidays again. We have 3 weeks of holidays before its the final sem of Delta. Old huh?

A blink of an eye, its 2012 already. And March is coming too soon I could hardly believe it.

All those rumours saying world is going to an end, we will be able to witness whether the rumours are true!

I seriously do not hope they are true (who would?). I still have a lot of things pending to be accomplished. 

Saw quite a number of my friends went for Korean Winter Exchange Program, which was held by my school MMU few weeks ago.

Was quite envious of them: if only I can afford. Such programs would be so fun and beneficial for us..

Speaking of which, Boyfie told me about a plan the other day. He wanted to go overseas, be a backpacker and work there for a year right after graduation. To gain valuable experience and also pocket money in foreign country. I admire his courage! This is a thing that I always dream of but will never dare to do.. 

My nature is afraid of uncertainties, anxious and low self-esteem. I often doubt my ability and survival skills.

But came to think of it, this experience is once in a lifetime and after you worked, you'll be bound in Malaysia from that onwards!

Even if you have the chance to go overseas, you would be going there for business and work purpose.

I sincerely hope we would one day materialize this little mission! And I am able to discover the other side of me, confident, unafraid of fall and courage in different culture!

Quit living under people's shadows! You deserve to live your own life! :)

The recent me! Frizzy hair huh.

I will be better. :)

P/s: Hope I wouldn't be mad at that parasite. I don't lose anything rite? Just transform the negative thinking into positive strength. I can do it. :)

P/p/s: You're not living in fairy tales, don't expect to find a prince charming comes galloping in a white horse, and seems to know what every girls wanted, how to treat girls and is perfect in everything.